Shauna's Story – Transsexual
Shauna's Story – Transsexual
I might be a woman, But I'm no lady! – Shauna
The Journey from me to ME! What you see is what you get!
I knew I was different since I was 8 years old. I didn’t know at the point I was transgender/transsexual; all I knew is I was in a male’s body but I felt like I was meant to be a girl and what society taught us at that time was that wasn’t right so I tried to live my life as the person I was told I was meant to be (a boy), by the time I got to intermediate school, I was still questioning myself. Am I gay? Am I bisexual? as I was attracted to women also, who am I meant to be? In 2004 I came out to my daughter’s mum, my partner at the time about how I was attracted to men, so I spent the next few years trying to live my life as bisexual because I was still presenting as a male on the outside but the more I tried live like that the more it just didn’t feel right to me.
In 2013 I spent a lot of time internally processing things to discover who I really am because the life I was living still didn’t feel right to me, it wasn’t my sexuality that didn’t feel right but it was something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. So I began talking to some of my friends about what I was feeling they suggested that maybe I’m transgender/transsexual, after looking into it and reading all the information I could find on transgender/transsexual people it was like a light bulb went off inside my head and I realised that fuck I am woman!, what do I do now? so I spent the next couple of years processing/understanding it all and in late 2015 I came out to everyone close to me as the person I am today and I haven’t looked back since.
Now that I look back at my life through the eyes of the person I am now, everything throughout my life all the feelings, thoughts and even the way I acted as a child makes sense and points to who I am, for just one example during school performances I was happy playing the woman’s part and dressing up as a woman I felt comfortable, but never understood why, but that also doesn’t mean that it’s the same for everyone who likes doing that because we all like to do things for all kinds of different reasons, it just happens to be what it was in my case.
From the moment we are born into this world we are labelled as either male or female based on our genitalia, we are assigned at birth but just because we are assigned one particular gender at birth does not mean we identify as that gender. Physically we might appear to be the gender we are given because of our genitalia, but that is not always the case because even though we may look male or female our identity of self is different so in my case I was assigned male at birth because of the genitalia I had but that was not the case because my internal/self-identity as a person is female, an easy way to explain it is it’s to do with the chemistry or makeup of my brain even though I may have appeared to be a male on the outside everything else about was and is female, in short my brain is wired the same way as any cis gender female (cis gender means the person identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth).
For me going through puberty was a “mind fuck” because as my body started to develop into the male that I was taught/told I was meant to be, but because I felt inside that it wasn’t meant be happening that way and I ended up suffering from anxiety etc because of it. If I could go back in time and talk to the child I was growing going through all this I would tell them that it’s ok what they’re going through not to be ashamed or feel like what their feeling about it is bad and most of all I would tell them that it was ok to feel the way you do. Now in saying that I also wouldn’t change a thing about what I went through in my past because it has all helped me to become the person I am today, It has given me empathy towards people but the biggest thing I have learnt from my journey is how important unconditional love is because I had to learn to love myself for who I am. I now love everything about who I am as a person both inside and out, I now days jokingly refer to myself as the rainbow grunge; because I identify as a rock chic because leather jackets, jeans, t-shirt and boots are my go-to clothing. Live your truth and stop trying to live life to other people’s expectations of who or what they think you should be because you know who you’re meant to as a person.
My advice to anyone who is thinking about if transitioning is the thing that you need to do would be to take your time and don’t rush. Do your research and make sure this is the right thing for you.
I now days identify as a Pan sexual; which means I am attracted to the person not their gender because it’s about the connection I feel with the person that is important not what their body parts are, as friend of mine puts it it’s about the person not the parts that they have that is attractive to me.
One thing I will say is never ever refer to a transgender person as IT! because we aren’t freaks or weirdos, get to know us we are human just like everyone else.
I have been very lucky when my parents and family because they are accepting and have supported my transition and love me just for me so I consider myself to be very blessed in that but it hasn’t always been a bed of roses because I have been verbally abused by people at times when I’ve been out with my friends. I now dedicate my life to helping people understand about what it means to be a transgender/transsexual person so the next generation can be open about who they are and not feel bad or ashamed of who they are and also so the whole LGBTQIA+ community can live their life to their true identity and not discriminated against because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. If the likes Georgina Beyer and Carmen Rupe hadn’t of stood proud, we would have never been accepted.
What I want the world to be is kind and have empathy towards people and it’s our time to shine and stop hiding in the shadows.